Postcard from Europe 2008
Part One - Spa 24 Hours

There was some good news ahead of the Spa 24 Hours for all that hold dsc dear, when our own answer to the famous double acts of the world, the two Daves – Downes and Lord – popped into the Editor in Chief’s abode on their way to the ferry. The plan was simple; grab a cup of coffee and see if the poor old fella fancied a quick game of golf.

Good plan.

One total drubbing over nine holes later, at the hands of an older, less fit and unwell man and our gallant pair made their way silently to Dover.  Talk didn’t cease for the remainder of the weekend of handicaps, a solitary birdie (Downes D.) and that most elusive of sporting qualities – luck (yeah right!)

Once at Dover there was the opportunity to revisit one of those group jokes that always raises a smile.  Very often, on the wharf next to the Norfolk Line Terminal there is a ship berthed with a clear purpose – to bring tinned fruit to the British people. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s the maritime representative of the Man from Del Monte!

So what’s the joke? Well it isn’t really a joke; at least not a very good one. It is more a rhetorical question – “What do you think the crew are having for pudding tonight then?”   Oh well, I guess you had to be there!

There’s a dsc tradition, that on a racing weekend we award a wooden spoon (named after a famous – nay infamous - Danish racing driver) to the person or persons that have distinguished themselves in a negative fashion. A stroppy driver interviewee, obstructive team manager or a media colleague who is unfortunate enough to show weakness, annoy the collective or otherwise just generally show a shred of humanity is likely to find themselves on a shortlist; then exposed to ‘the vote’.

For the first time in recorded history, though – i.e. since the Barcelona LMS round when we first did it – the spoon has been won before we even reached the circuit.  Its recipient is a man who has never won the spoon before, but who managed to effectively ruin the Spa 24 Hours before it had begun.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Mr David Lord – dsc lensman supreme, but the man who, having gone to the trouble not six weeks earlier to seek out, find, buy and bring back to the UK, a dsc liveried kettle, managed to leave it at home; condemning his colleagues to a caffeine free race – unless, that is, that we found another; in which case all would be well with the world (but Lordy would still have the spoon).

The drive to Spa is always long and tedious, but at least we were kept entertained this time by the most almighty thunderstorm imaginable – lighting up the night sky for almost two hours and heralding a rain storm of Hollywood special-effects proportions.

On track, though, and the first action watched by the dsc Ed was a round of the FIA GT4 cup – 14 cars from world famous manufacturers including Aston Martin, BMW, Lotus and, errrmm, KTM and Donkervoort.

In Sports Light – henceforth to be referred to here as Formula Weird – there was the titanic struggle between the new Lotus 2-11, a lightweight and race-honed variant on the Elise chassis, the pair of KTM X-Bows, a car that looks like an ill-proportioned high-tech roller skate and the brand new, never before raced Donkervoort D8GTs; pristine in what appears to be the standard GT4 livery of all-over white.  The Donkervoort started life as a controversial Caterham 7 clone, but after years of continuous development has now evolved into an ugly streamlined closed top Caterham 7 clone. 

On display were the main attractions of GT4 –

Variety - both in the vehicles on the grid and, even more, in the standard of the driving in the races.

Sound and fury - seldom has a straight six bark (BMW) or V8 rumble (Mustang) been so poorly translated between sound and motion).

And, er…, that’s it!

On the issue of driver ability; there’s getting a corner wrong and there’s having an innate inability to get it right – hold your head in shame the BMW Z4 pilot who messed up La Source so royally that the car came to a complete stop on the exit of the bend. Twice.

That’s not to imply that this is the norm, nor to undermine the efforts of the better drivers out there – it’s just that, as the GT4 Cup moves towards the end of its second season, there seems little to suggest that it is on course to be anything other than pretty terrifically underwhelming.  Sorry, but there you have it. Sometimes some things are more important than selling a couple of cars and collecting a dozen or so entry fees.

As for the 24 Hours itself, after a series of excellent races in recent years, the 2008 event was simply a let down. GT1 already featured a rather underwhelming field and Steve Zacchia’s massive warm-up accident in the Larbre Saleen reduced the field even further. Then the great Corvette meltdown (SRT’s rebuild flattering to deceive and the two Phoenix C6.Rs living up to their legend all too literally), plus Karl Wendlinger’s uncharacteristic Aston Martin-destroying error, meant that the race was effectively handed to Vitaphone’s Maseratis on a Vitaphone-liveried platter with Vitaphone-liveried trumpeters heralding the result.

One minor error from Michael Bartel’s otherwise faultless packaging though was the sheer number of ecstatic, cheering, flag waving supporters.  That meant that the pictures of the team getting their well deserved trophies on the podium will be few and far between. Why? Well, the team’s supporters and their dozens of flags, stood directly in front of the media pen. Whoops!      

Also featuring on the podium was the Coupe de Roi. Now, our opinion of this contest has already been well rehearsed, but the sight of the ‘winning’ drivers struggling out of the press conference with two trophies apiece, each the size of a reasonably significant piece of furniture, really did raise a smile.

Oh, and the final ‘event’ of the weekend?  The traditional point and giggle at one less fortunate than the rest was, in this case, reserved for yours truly; having discovered that I had arrived back home to get ready for the day job, only to find I’d left my shoes in Belgium!  The amazing thing was that Lordy was actually impressed to discover that I had a spare pair. It’s grim up in t’Midlands!

GG